Adieu my friends..
I shall retreat to another place where I need to hiberate n recollect myself.. Just for how long? I dunno.. A few mths? half a year? 2 years or eternity? Only fate and perhaps the higher power can answer this burning question.

The time has arrived......with self-revelation. Blogging no longer serves any purpose to me.. there is no need of me sharing my happy times or life experiences with anyone now..For what's ahead of me is not going to be an easy nor happy time. It 's a battle within oneself..One against your greatest enemy..the dark, evil side within me.. Maybe with perseverance, winning is possible..but far fetched for my road ahead is sole and all the emotional support from frenzs are lost..In particularly, my confidante had left for gd.. The future is bleak.

I have sinned too much.. Now's the time to atone for them..The ultimate being the SelFish me.. tat I eventually realised why situations @ home has never improved much and my main sanctuary all this while has been to escape from reality and retreat to hostel..or immensing myself with adrenaline rush..Exercise.. It has been 5 long years since things went wrong at the home. Back then, had i been less selfish of my own needs, the problem was still at its infancy stage when much could have been salvaged. I was the last spark of hope then but I chose to ignore. With this , I am paying a dear price now. Now, situation at home has worsened to a point of dysfunctional family in great despair and misery.
I never learnt from my past mistakes.

Indeed, Time and tides wait for no man..

I had fallen hard yet again. My whole life is in a mess, other than my career path.
A young bud growing into a shoot could have easily been led back to the right direction of growth had lost her bearings. Too late.. Now the path ahead is uphill and the problem had escalated to a state of hopelessness. All that is left now is an amateur gardener, me? trying to pick up all the broken pieces and regenerate hope and growth back to the right direction to this already developing shoot.. Yes.. I am inexperienced but I must face up to reality.

Though i noe all hope is not lost.. the path ahead is to be walked through alone. I reap what I sow.. It will be a strenuous task and definitely a test of my resilence. Bcos of my selfish nature, I am now left all alone to fight through this battle. I have lost a soulmate and confidante for gd..
A much cherished friendship has been lost and I have no one else to blame but myself. Now the time has come for me to pay for my sins..seemingly harmless white lies or just manipulating others to maximise my needs..but in cold hard truth, my inner evil engulfed me. So what is friendship ultimately to me? Perhaps it has always been a barter trade of exchange and everyone of us making use of one another.

With tis, I have lost my heart and soul along the way of deception and manipulation. I may seem so nice a friend but do i honour the true spirit of friendship and love. Now I seriously wonder too.. All tat u saw may just be my mask.. or reflection..
Do u really noe the true me within? I dun tink so cos I keep repeating past mistakes.. sometimes, even I dun understand myself either..I am indeed a mystery to be solved even up to this point of time..

Soon the protective walls around me will be erected..
Love will once again be evaded and blocked out of my life.
I am too selfish to be loved and give love.
This is my lot of life.. Do i accept it? I dunno..Only time can tell
I am flawed. My moral compass is gone..
I need to find it back..How? I dunno..Search within or look around ard..perhaps..
I am deeply hurt..
but so was my confidante... I am sorry..

Take care, my dear friends..
If i may have hurt anyone of u in one way or another b4, my sincerest apology deep down from my heart. I never meant to hurt anyone..
Ultimately, the worst hit is me.. I am paying the penalty now..The Guilt Conscience will never elude me till the day i find my peace of mind and self-acceptance. I thank you for all the helps, care and concern and support.
I truly appreciate them.
As of now, I have lost everything. I am back to Ground 0.
Goodbye..my friends..