Happy times :) amidst Melancholic May

New Paper Big Walk 2006

Last Sunday, I participated in this fun walking event..with a brand new company of pals..my dear, friendly All Saint's Home volunteers.. Been a refreshing new experience going on such outside-volunteering event with them, a interestingly fun-loving lot of pple..Typical Busy Singaporeans from all walk of life but caring enough to volunteer too. Esp the senior volunteers ( "Old Birds" leh).. Meng,Edmund and our dear joker com chief, Eric ( mind u, taking his master deg while workin @ NTU). I salute them for their efforts and commitment into volunteering..
Got to interact more with them too and make some new friends, bubbly, youthful volunteers from another home, SN home in Yishun..

All in all, it was worthwhile to get up so early on a Sunday morning for such an enjoyable walk ( abt 7-8km cos oops, we didnt start from the starting point for this supposedly 10km walk..)n simple,delectable breakfast @ Famous Old Airport Rd food centre :) Wanton Noodle..Dry.. Yummy.. mInd u..Long queue ah..




Kaki Gathering..@ Changing Appetite, Marina Square...

Happy Belated B'day to our dearest babe..Bday ger..BSiew..(L-R, 4th ger)
Been a long while since our last bday treat/gathering in Jan for dear Cyn..

Wedding Bells r Ringing.... Soon come June 20, our dearest Shy ( L-R,1st ger) will be engaged to Lucky dude, YWei,a promising young RSAF Captain and then in 6 mths' time..
their majestic wedding banquet @ the Oriental to look forward to..
Congratulations :) Shy..
This will be the 1st wedding celebration in my gal gang ..hehe.. more of geeky type ..we too Guai oredi.. Shall miss her much when she's out of our free swinging bachelorette days..

My 100th post..Facets of Life

Darkness or Light... May it Be...
A promise lives within me now. To get on with life...
All aint lost... the Emptiness of Life*...
So tell me what have u lost if everything is transient.. Nothing.
Contentment in life...


('
')

Provided By MetroLyrics

Our truest life is when
we are in our dream awake

~Thoreau

Wisdom tells me I am nothing.
Love tells me I am everything.
And between the two my Life flows.

~Nisargadatta Maharaj


*We live in illusion and the appearance of things
There is a Reality.
You are that Reality.
Seeing this, you know that you are everything.
And being everything, you are Nothing.
That is all.

~Kalu Rinpoche

Repertoire of Songs..Feelings...Memories...

In every ending...there comes a New Beginning..
Judgement Day
A new chapter to unfold..
Moving on slow and steadily...
Alone u must be..for only then can u find your voice within
... to set on your true path... Meant only for your discovery...
Now or Never...
Soon, it will be Hello Again..My dear friend...


~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~


Now or Never
Hoobastank

You think that
You're all knowing
You've got it figured out
But what you didn't figure
Is enough to bring you down
You say you'll do it later
'Cause you've got lots of time
But all your time is leaving
Because you don't live forever
Do it now or never
You don't live forever
Do it now or never
They gave you good direction
They gave you good advice
They gave you
All the tools you need
To take control of life
But you took it for granted
'Cause you had other plans
So now you want another
Because you don't live forever


~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~


Hello Again
Hoobastank

I dream that someday we'll be able to
Look back on this together and say
It was for the best and that it made us
Stronger today, stronger today
There's much more for us to see
A brand new day for you and me
And with confidence I say, "We're better than ever"
And I don't know where this will lead
But in my life you need to be
Cause I need to say, "Hello again"
I'm so afraid that if I wait too long
You'll never look in my eyes again
With a look that gave me strength and gave me hope
And made me feel I've inspired
There's much more for us to see
A brand new day for you and me
And with confidence I say, "We're better than ever"
And I don't know where this will lead
But in my life you need to be
Cause I need to say, "Hello again"
Hello again, hello again, yea
Hello again, yea
There's much more for us to see
A brand new day for you and me
And with confidence I say, "We're better than ever"
And I don't know where this will lead
But in my life you need to be
Cause I need to say, "Hello again"

Letting it Go.. My Humble Poem of thoughts

Let it Go
Let it Soar
To Breathe anew

Let it Fly
Let it Glide
To Find Serenity Within

Let it Sail
Let it Leave
To Heal takes time
But Don't you quit

Just Go with The Flow
The River of Life
The Ebb of Tides

Just Let it Go Completely
The Essence of Giving
Unconditional Love

Girl, Free Your Mind
But Don't you evade Love
Follow your Heart and
Move on with your Head

~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

Hoobastank
The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There are many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start anew
And the reason is you..

Our story though ephemeral...the greatest gift in my life.
I am already thankful and grateful. This is my fate, my destiny.
Whatever will be, will be
Take care, my dear frenz...
I will always remember you
Once a friend, Always my cherished Friend.
May you find the Light at the end of your Dark Odyssey..
I believe in you.
Where ever I may be, a silent prayer for you.

A meaningful DailyOM email article tat struck the chord in me..
Setting Free through letting go of perfections..
Yet another thought-provoking article indeed..at least to me..
Now that I have lost everything I seek for at the beginning due to my over-ambiitious nature of becoming as close to perfect as I can be..I paid dearly for tis lesson learnt..Too Late.. There is no 2nd chance nor a turning back. Truth always hurts but with this, u either choose to learn or self-deny
Coming to think about it, it is always the imperfection in life that spices things up.. Conformity is never interesting.. But sad to say, in our rat race, we humans always fail to see tis and embrace the imperfections..
The true essence of uniqueness in everyone of us..

**************

Set Yourself Free
Letting Go Of Perfection

It is good to remember that one of our goals in life is to not be perfect. We often lose track of this aspiration. When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.

This doesn't mean that we don't strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection-especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness.

In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood-an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else's approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent to being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.

Do Everything with a mind that lets go
Do not expect any praise or reward
If you let go a Little, you will have a little peace
If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom
Your struggles with the world will have come to an end

- Ajahn Chah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOw true..Experiencing the art of letting go completely.. Perhaps not art but yet another survival skills in life..Letting go of tangible and material gains..selfish thoughts and hurt inflicted upon by others as well as my very own self-delusion..Embracing the truth which sets one free and Moving on to a new beginning..
Without an ending, how can there be a new beginning or chapter of life journey..
Amen..
I may be slow or dumb in understanding what you've been trying to put across. However, It seems I aint that hopeless after all for I finally see the light..Enlightenment? Perhaps..
More likely to be a better understanding to a Stronger me..

The odyssey to an inner peace and acceptance of true inner character begins..
The process of maturing and growing up..
Patience is the essence of such journey..
My dear Gal..Things go to those who wait and go steadily..
so pls dun hasten your pace..Just Go with the flow..
NO more unnecessary ripples to spice things up..
NO more asking or assurance from others..This is ur life to live and savour for just tis once.. Live it to the way you want for you are your very own master.
All ze best.. Perseverance, Patience and Persistence... 3Ps to bear in mind..but.. Dun u expect a smooth-sailing one though..
May the Force be with U

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself.
I mean do not be disheartened by your imperfections,
but always rise up with fresh courage.
How are we to be patient in dealing with our neighbour's faults
if we are impatient in dealing with our own?
He who is fretted by his own failings will not correct them.
All profitable correction comes from a calm and peaceful mind

- Saint Francis de Sales

Hello..I am back..apparently, just 1 day of hiberating..abit too short ah..
Anyway, just came to terms with such things in life..Selfishness..a Human Nature? It seems to be the case.. Who isnt selfish..only difference is to what extent..very selfish or mildly selfish etc..
Perhaps it aint tat bad on my part of being selfish.. Yes, I noe I ought to change for the better..Aint we always to keep improving ourselves? Esp my habitual latecoming for most of my outings and gatherings, Tis bad habit since i was young, I definitely must learnt to kick it off. I noe I can and I will! Jiayou..

As for all that revelation about selfishness, perhaps I haven't really sinned that terribly.. Or am I just finding excuses?

All in all, I am glad that my best friend, cyn n buddies like cherry see a gd and worthy friend in me. Thanks cyn for her frank opinions about our friendship n my bad habit of being late. Truly appreciate that. Perhaps..I am too depressive on Labour Day but nonetheless, the change for the better is still a need. as well as the moving on to a new beginning after a breakup. I am sad and remorseful over the failure of the relationship due to my over-reliance on him then.. Tis I must learn to overcome and only then can i embrace Love into my life again..
I suppose when will tis be..only time can tell

Ganbatte Ne..Way to go..

Adieu my friends..
I shall retreat to another place where I need to hiberate n recollect myself.. Just for how long? I dunno.. A few mths? half a year? 2 years or eternity? Only fate and perhaps the higher power can answer this burning question.

The time has arrived......with self-revelation. Blogging no longer serves any purpose to me.. there is no need of me sharing my happy times or life experiences with anyone now..For what's ahead of me is not going to be an easy nor happy time. It 's a battle within oneself..One against your greatest enemy..the dark, evil side within me.. Maybe with perseverance, winning is possible..but far fetched for my road ahead is sole and all the emotional support from frenzs are lost..In particularly, my confidante had left for gd.. The future is bleak.

I have sinned too much.. Now's the time to atone for them..The ultimate being the SelFish me.. tat I eventually realised why situations @ home has never improved much and my main sanctuary all this while has been to escape from reality and retreat to hostel..or immensing myself with adrenaline rush..Exercise.. It has been 5 long years since things went wrong at the home. Back then, had i been less selfish of my own needs, the problem was still at its infancy stage when much could have been salvaged. I was the last spark of hope then but I chose to ignore. With this , I am paying a dear price now. Now, situation at home has worsened to a point of dysfunctional family in great despair and misery.
I never learnt from my past mistakes.

Indeed, Time and tides wait for no man..

I had fallen hard yet again. My whole life is in a mess, other than my career path.
A young bud growing into a shoot could have easily been led back to the right direction of growth had lost her bearings. Too late.. Now the path ahead is uphill and the problem had escalated to a state of hopelessness. All that is left now is an amateur gardener, me? trying to pick up all the broken pieces and regenerate hope and growth back to the right direction to this already developing shoot.. Yes.. I am inexperienced but I must face up to reality.

Though i noe all hope is not lost.. the path ahead is to be walked through alone. I reap what I sow.. It will be a strenuous task and definitely a test of my resilence. Bcos of my selfish nature, I am now left all alone to fight through this battle. I have lost a soulmate and confidante for gd..
A much cherished friendship has been lost and I have no one else to blame but myself. Now the time has come for me to pay for my sins..seemingly harmless white lies or just manipulating others to maximise my needs..but in cold hard truth, my inner evil engulfed me. So what is friendship ultimately to me? Perhaps it has always been a barter trade of exchange and everyone of us making use of one another.

With tis, I have lost my heart and soul along the way of deception and manipulation. I may seem so nice a friend but do i honour the true spirit of friendship and love. Now I seriously wonder too.. All tat u saw may just be my mask.. or reflection..
Do u really noe the true me within? I dun tink so cos I keep repeating past mistakes.. sometimes, even I dun understand myself either..I am indeed a mystery to be solved even up to this point of time..

Soon the protective walls around me will be erected..
Love will once again be evaded and blocked out of my life.
I am too selfish to be loved and give love.
This is my lot of life.. Do i accept it? I dunno..Only time can tell
I am flawed. My moral compass is gone..
I need to find it back..How? I dunno..Search within or look around ard..perhaps..
I am deeply hurt..
but so was my confidante... I am sorry..

Take care, my dear friends..
If i may have hurt anyone of u in one way or another b4, my sincerest apology deep down from my heart. I never meant to hurt anyone..
Ultimately, the worst hit is me.. I am paying the penalty now..The Guilt Conscience will never elude me till the day i find my peace of mind and self-acceptance. I thank you for all the helps, care and concern and support.
I truly appreciate them.
As of now, I have lost everything. I am back to Ground 0.
Goodbye..my friends..